Housewives:

Pop Quiz: You’re a Cop. You respond to a domestic abuse call. You bang on the door. The door opens. Standing before you, like a sight of ineffable grandeur, is a bored housewife. Her body rocks big time. She isn’t wearing anything. What do you do? That’s the choice my friend on the DC police force faces a few times a month. He wouldn’t say whether he ever laid down on the job. But he said more and more police officers are responding to calls for burglary and prowlers, only to find oiled housewives, introducing themselves with a salacious wink and suggesting a quick tryst against the sink. When the UPS or Federal Express persons make deliveries, they also experience similar occurrences.

We decided to investigate. We scoured local fire departments, pizza delivery joints and bars frequented by wild packs of traveling pharmaceutical sales reps, to see if they shared similar experiences. Everywhere we went the story was the same: Bored housewives suffering the pangs of withdrawal from a marriage that’s lost its luster start calling random men to their home in order to make life more interesting, i.e., more sexual.

It’s MILF-er Time. Tastes great, less filling.

No, seriously, it’s kinda weird. Armstrong Williams concludes:

But then again, I am old-fashioned. So, I’m curious as to what you think. Send me your thoughts. Email me at arightside at aol.com and let me know if placing fake calls to police officers is a sign of sexual liberation, or a sad sign that the feminist movement has betrayed women by encouraging them to go about things as a male would. I will print your responses in a follow up column.

Ooh, now that’s an offer I can’t resist. Below is my printed response:

Mr. Williams,

I am a 33 year old bachelor living in Waltham, MA. I have noticed driving around town that there is a rather attractive blonde woman on the Waltham Police force. Would you recommend that I call the police for some concocted reason, and wait around all oiled up for her to arrive? Do you think this would work? Or might I be arrested?

Which brings me to a more serious point: why aren’t these women arrested when they call the police for no reason? Surely, they could put an end to this by simply arresting a handful of women and getting the local press to cover the arrests and embarrass the women.

I certainly suspect that if a gay man called the cops under false pretense with similar intentions, he’d have charges pressed against him no problem.

Finally, I seem to remember watching cartoons as a kid, the old WWII era Bugs Bunny cartoons, always joking around that it was the milkman that the housewife was sleeping with. In other words, this can hardly be a new phenomenon. We just don’t have milkmen anymore, so instead the housewife calls the police.

What’s so new about that?

-Rob Sama

http://samablog.robsama.com

Read Armstrong Williams here.

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