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HULK, Blind Man, and the general misadventures of this blogger

Note: This is the entry that got half lost due to poor service from my last provider.

Ok, after the last blog entry, I figure I’d better write about something a bit more pleasant. Though you should understand, it’s still quite weird.

So I Saw the Hulk with my friend Chris. I got to the theater at about 7:15 for a 7:45 show, and picked up two tickets for Chris and myself. It was an urban theater, and the parking garage sign had read that theater parking validation was for three hours only, for a reduced price of $3. This is because the theater almost abutts Fenway Park, and they don’t want people parking for the game and buying a movie ticket to get the cheaper parking (yes, parking around Fenway can be higher than $25 during a game). I made note of this, and wondered momentarily how they handle movies that may last almost 3 hours. Do they invalidate the parking stub?

I didn’t know the answer. Chris met me at the theater and we proceeded in. It was a large stadium seating type theater, which quickly got packed. I had a Bill Gates looklike sitting to my left, and Chris to my right. Come 7:45, the film starts rolling. Except it’s not the movie, or previews. It’s commercials. And not even the moviefone commercials, though they ended with one of those. Nope. They were furniture and softdrink commercials. they went on for about 9 minutes. I was enraged. And not just because I PAID GOOD MONEY to sit in that theater and at the very least expected a commercial free experience, but because ostensibly they were going to invalidate my validation if I stayed longer than three hours. They were, it seemed to me at the time, playing a rigged game.

After about the 5th commercial I screamed at the top of my lungs, “ENOUGH!!!!!” The Bill Gates lookalike noticably stiffened, and the theater got a bit more quiet as patrons wondered who the psycho was. Chris brushed it off, long since used to my antics.

So finally, the movie begins. And I have to say it was excellent. The actor who plays Bruce Banner was supurb, a good choice who I had doubts about going in. The plot was exactly what you’d expect. Basically Bruce Banner gets hit by the gamma rays and becomes the Hulk. I liken the movie to a still life, a study in the subject being depicted. Which is why I think the film was correctly named. It’s called, “Hulk” not “The Incredible Hulk” or anything like that. It’s simply a supurb depiction, a study of the creature, Hulk. Well worth seeing.

So about 15 minutes before the end of the movie, the cell phone of the guy sitting behind me goes off. I was immediately incensed, but kept to myself figuring that like most people in that situation, he would quickly reach in his pocket and turn it off before it finished one full ring cycle. But that’s not what happened. The phone kept ringing, so I turned around to give him a glare of disapproval. He was a fat kid with tiny round glasses. He was of the comic book/computer geek variety, and he was completely oblivious, rummaging THROUGH HIS BAG for his cell phone. This was wrong on too many levels to count. But it got worse. The phone finished ringing, sending the caller to voicemail, and so the kid stops looking for his phone. Problem solved, right? WRONG. Two seconds later it starts again, beginning the process of searching for the phone all over again. The Bill Gates guy next to me even had too much, and said, “Oh my God…” to which the fat kid pleaded, “What do you want me to do, I can’t find my phone…” At that point I turned around and said tersely, “I’ll tell you what you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to turn the phone off before you enter the theater, that’s what!”

This prompted the oblivious fat kid to say in a patronizing tone, “All right… calm down…” He probably couldn’t have picked a more wrong thing to say. After being so inconsiderate as to not turn his phone off before the movie, too oblivious to realize that the wrong place for the phone was at the bottom of a packed satchel, too lazy to finish getting the phone after it rang once, he was now too self-righteous to admit he was wrong, or to be able to understand why the people around him were angry. I moved to lift myself up. I had Hulk rage pumping through my veins, and I had every intention or turning about and punching this fat prick right in the nose. But I didn’t. As I moved to get up, Chris extended his arm, indicating this was going too far for him. So out of deference to him, I remained seated, fuming.

I should tell you that all of this occured while I was completely sober.

So the movie lets out and I make my way to the parking garage. I looked at my stub, and it was well past the 3 hour mark. Still fuming from the cell phone incident, I was rearing to go heat to head with the parking attendant. I drove my car down the ramp, and slowly progressed in line until I reached the attendant. I handed him my stub, which he read, smiled at me and said, “All set.” Whew.

Two points for the angry guy.

I proceeded across to the river to the People’s Republik for a beer with Chris. It wasn’t long before weirdness ensued. A blind guy walks in with his sighted girlfriend. They mosey on up to the bar and order two beers. The bartender refuses to serve them, and orders them to leave. They refuse. He calls the bouncer over, but he seems reluctant to get physical with a blind guy. The bar tender keeps coming over, asking them to leave, and still refuse. He threatens to call the police.

At one point, the bartender said something to the blind guy, which prompted him to get indignant and start yelling at the bartender, “Oh, so that’s what this is about, is it?” But the bartender walked away in the midst of the blind guy’s rant, leaving him there yelling at nobody. The bartender calls the police. Moments later, another bartender comes over, and explains to them in very clear terms what the consequences are, that the bar has the right to throw people out for any reason, and that if arrested they could face fines of up to $3,000 each. They still refuse to leave.

The sighted girlfriend had tears welled up in her eyes, and seemed to think she’s taking a stand for her blind boyfriend, as if this were a civil rights matter or something. And some people in the bar came by asking Chris and me (because we were right up close as all this was going on) if that was the case. Admittedly, I wasn’t sure, but I thought I’d heard the bartender say he’d had to throw the blind guy out for misbehaving before. But what it was didn’t become clear until the police arrived.

Soon enough a cruiser pulled up and two officers stepped out and came into the bar. One officer leans over the bar to ask who it is that needs to leave and the bartender pointed to the couple and said, “He’s been in here before, got drunk and started groping at women. We told him not to come back.” The officer nodded indicating he understood and walked over to the couple. He explained to them the consequences if they didn’t leave peacefully. They nodded, and were escorted out, without being arrested.

This got me thinking. And the more I thought about it the more it made sense to me. I realized something:

Sighted drunk men leer.
Blind drunk men grope.

Makes perfect sense to me. I guess you learn something new every day.


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