That spelling has always bugged the crap out of me. At first I thought that it was that it seemed politically correct to throw an apostrophe in the middle of the word like that, but then again it’s been spelled that way periodically for long before political correctness came into vogue.

No, the reason why it bugs me so damn much is because we abuse the use of apostrophes in the English language. In fact, we ought to eliminate their use altogether.

Think about it.

Does the apostrophe in the word “don’t” serve any real purpose? Does the apostrophe in the name “O’Malley” really add anything? Do we even need apostrophes to designate possessives? I say NO!

If we really needed apostrophes, then we would be confused when speaking, because apostrophes don’t change pronunciation one bit. But we are not confused when we speak, because between context and pronunciation, we understand each other perfectly well without using them. So why do we feel the need to use them in our writing?

It’s just an English language affectation, and it needs to stop. So here and now, on this day in the year 2009, I hereby call for the abolition of all apostrophes. So while the rest of you go out abbreviating your words and overusing apostrophes in celebration of “Talk Like A Pirate Day,” I will be setting our to rid our language of apostrophes. Just think of all the bits that would be saved in databases around the world if here were no apostrophes! That alone should make the effort worth it.

So, whos with me?

Tags: Apostrophes, Talk Like A Pirate Day

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