Posts Tagged ‘Crackpot Theories’

 

Overdue Papal Blogging

Sunday, February 17th, 2013

So due to my previous status as interim pope, a number of readers and friends have contacted me to ask if I intended to become pope again, and if I had any thoughts on the resignation of Pope Benedict. Well, I finally have a few minutes to myself uninterrupted, so I thought I would address these concerns.

First of all, I am now married with children, which I believe precludes me from becoming pope of any sort, interim or otherwise. But even if I were able to become pope, there is no need for an interim pope because the current Pope will apparently reign until the new pope is selected. So the question itself is moot, unless I suppose Benedict dies suddenly.

The larger question is what to make of the resignation of the Pope. Many people have conspiracy theories, mostly revolving around blackmail about what Benedict knew about the child rape scandals that have plagued the church in recent decades. I doubt that these theories have much merit. I suspect that Benedict is old and tired as he says. But his resignation goes deeper than that. His resignation directly involves the Prophecy of St. Malachy.

I have written previously about the prophecy. Let us review:

It’s gotta be tough predicting the future, via psychic means, that is. I mean surely, the further out into the future you try predicting, the more hazy the future must become. No wonder so many prophets use coded language like quatrains to try and describe what they’re seeing. It’s because they’re not really sure what they’re seeing in the first place. It’s no different than trying to gaze over long distances, where two objects standing next to each other may appear to be one.

And so undoubtedly it was with St. Malachy, who famously prophecized about every pope from his own time until the last pope ever. The funny thing is that his list has basically run out. Going sequentially from his time forward, Pope Benedict XVI is the penultimate pope, the so-called Olive Pope.

The previous pope was “De labore Solis”, or “Of the Labour of The Sun”. This correlates to Pope John-Paul II because he was born and died on a solar eclipse. The penultimate pope is described as “De Gloria Olivae” or “glory of the olive”. This has been interpreted in a number of different ways, including that the pope would hail from an olive growing region of the world, or that he would be olive skinned or even black. None of these adequately describe the current pope, though he did place an image of a Moore on his papal crest, a piece of iconography that comes form his home town in Germany.

I went on to posit that Malachy got his final pope confused with that of the President of the United States, Barack Obama, who would, according to the prophecy, be overthrown by “Petrus Romanus”, or General David Petraeus. With Petraeus out of government entirely, it seems unlikely that he could conduct such a coup, though I suppose he could raise an army Aaron Burr style, theoretically. No, what I suspect is that Benedict, knowing the prophecy well, knew damned well that he wasn’t the Glory of the Olive, and decided to step aside to let the correct pope take his place.

Benedict’s only real connection to the prophecy is the Moor he placed on his papal crest, a weak connection at best. And his selection as pope was generally a surprise. In a Catholic Church that is now predominantly southern hemispheric, choosing an elderly German because he gave a nice funeral oratory for the previous pope hardly seems like a wise move. In fact, Benedict himself must have been surprised by it, and felt it impulsive. And after 5 years of it, at his advanced age, he could pretend no further. He was never meant to be pope, and so he called it quits.

In short, Rob Sama was never the interim pope, Benedict was.

And so I suspect that the Church will now obtain its true Glory of the Olive, a dark skinned pope from the Southern Hemisphere who will be able to address the issues most important to the majority of its congregants, whether it be Mormon and Evangelical encroachments into Latin America, or Islamic incursions into Africa. The new pope will be younger, more energetic, and attuned to the issues facing the Church in the Southern Hemisphere.

The bigger question, to my mind, is does Benedict get to participate in the new conclave, or does he sit it out?

 
 

Trump And The Birthers

Sunday, April 10th, 2011

I’ve been giving some thought to Donald Trump. and his recent embrace of the birther hypothesis. Allow me to state the hypotheses and the evidence in favor of it as best I can in blockquote below:

Barack Obama was born in Kenya. His grandparents took measures during his life to cover up for that fact. The evidence is as follows:

  • Barack Obama’s grandmother is on record as saying that she witnessed his birth in Kenya.
  • Barack Obama has released a “certificate of live birth” which is an unsigned, unnumbered document, and quite distinct from a certified, signed and numbered birth certificate.
  • Barack Obama apparently has a Connecticut social security number. Barack Obama has never lived in the state of Connecticut.
  • No witnesses or hospital records can be found regarding his “Hawaiian” birth.
  • Barack Obama has apparently spent $2 million fighting inquiries into his birth records.

Trump probably has the deepest or second deepest pockets of all the potential Republican candidates running next winter. And he certainly appears to be the only candidate who is seriously interested in this issue. I suspect that the only way to resolve the issue with any degree of certainty is to produce flight records showing that his mother was overseas during the time of Obama’s birth. And it is not outside of Donald Trump’s means to find such records, should they exist.

What I wonder is, would Trump really want to discover that Obama is not a natural born American. Suppose it were proven that Barack Obama was not qualified to be President of the United States. What would happen? I suppose most people figure that Biden would assume the presidency and that would be that.

Ahh, but not so fast. Obama would never have had a legitimate place on the ballot. So arguably, Biden was not legitimately elected either. That could mean McCain is President, since his ticket was legitimately on the ballot. Or it may mean that the election gets turned back to the house to decide, and they may elect the third in line to the presidency, John Boehner. Were John Boehner the president, then the Republicans presumably would nominate him next year and he would be the candidate in 2012, not Donald Trump. Moreover, Obama’s two supreme court nominations would be invalidated, as would TARP, Obamacare and Frank Dodd. Come to think of it, I rather like how this scenario is playing out.

Maybe Trump should forget running and just put his efforts into finding those flight records of Anne Dunham.

 
 

Weird Occurrences

Monday, December 20th, 2010

Drudge has been pushing this headline today about how this year’s Winter Solstice will be the first to coincide with a lunar eclipse in 456 years. Its meaning is unclear:

A lunar eclipse taking place during the solstice is not an event Hawkins has seen in research, but he said it would have been viewed as something special.

“Eclipses could be taken either way,” he said. “Certainly it would have been an omen, but it would have been up to the interpretation of specialists of whether it was good or bad.”

And that interpretation would likely be based on whatever was happening at the time.

The last time the two celestial events happened at the same time was in AD 1554, according to NASA.

An otherwise seemingly unexceptionable year in recorded history, the darkened moon happened during a bleak year for Tudor England.

Lady Jane Grey was beheaded for treason that year, while Princess Elizabeth was imprisoned in the Tower of London. Mary of Guise — the mother of Mary, Queen of Scots — became regent of Scotland.

Scientifically, however, it’s just a coincidence of natural cycles.

In light of this upcoming occurrence, let’s taker a moment to review the other known weird things that have been happening:

If I were a superstitious type, I would portend that the upcoming eclipse/solstice confluence is a very bad omen. But I’m not, so who knows. I would be interested in any alchemical interpretations any readers can give or point me to.

 
 

Superbowl and Alchemy

Sunday, February 7th, 2010

So this year marks Superbowl XLIV, or #44. Likewise, Barack Obama is the 44th president of the United States. This is the one and only time these numbers will ever intersect, unless something should happen to our current president and Joe Biden becomes #45 next year, in which case that will be the last time those two numbers will intersect unless something happens to Joe Biden, and so on. There must be some larger alchemical meaning in this numerical intersection, but I will leave it to my readership to attempt to determine just what that meaning is.

UPDATE: Speaking of which, I think it would be way cooler if presidents used Roman numerals like the Superbowl does, to designate themselves. Why doesn’t that happen?

 
 

A Crazy Theory

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Obama knows that bringing KSM to trial in NYC will run into problems, namely, evidence obtained by means of waterboarding will have to be thrown out. My theory is that Obama is actually hoping for KSM to be declared not guilty, so that he can then say, “See, it’s Bush’s fault! If he just hadn’t waterboarded like we’d said KSM wouldn’t have slipped the noose on us…”

 
 

Bea Arthur Has Died

Sunday, April 26th, 2009

Read about her death here.

I wonder if my friend killed her?

 
 

The Anti-President

Tuesday, January 20th, 2009

An anti-pope is someone who claims that the man residing in the Vatican in Rome claiming to be the pope is not entitled to the job and therefore claims the title of the Papacy for himself. So here’s a question for you: If there can be anti-popes (and there are), then why can’t there be anti-Presidents?

Today’s “flub” by Supreme Court Justice John Roberts was a likely attempt to create an opportunity for there to be an anti-president. The constitution, Article 2 Section 1, reads that “Before he enter on the execution of his office, he shall take the following oath or affirmation:–”I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”” This is superseded by the twentieth amendment, which reads, “Section 1. The terms of the President and Vice President shall end at noon on the 20th day of January, and the terms of Senators and Representatives at noon on the 3d day of January, of the years in which such terms would have ended if this article had not been ratified; and the terms of their successors shall then begin. ” I would interpret this to mean that had Obama just followed Roberts’ lead and misread the oath, he would not have entered office, though his term would have begin.

Such a situation would have surely lead to multiple claimants for the office. Conceivably, Roberts may have had an candidate in waiting, ready to read the oath correctly as soon as the ceremonies ended. This would have lead to the creation of an anti-President, with competing claims to the Presidency.

Good thing Obama was on the ball and caught Roberts in his “slip-up“. Otherwise, who knows what may have transpired…

UPDATE: Actually, it looks like Obama didn’t read it exactly right after all!!! Oh no…

UPDATE 2: It appears that Obama was re-sworn in, just to make sure. I guess there won’t be an anti-president after all…

 
 

Obama: The Glory Of The Olive

Saturday, October 11th, 2008

It’s gotta be tough predicting the future, via psychic means, that is. I mean surely, the further out into the future you try predicting, the more hazy the future must become. No wonder so many prophets use coded language like quatrains to try and describe what they’re seeing. It’s because they’re not really sure what they’re seeing in the first place. It’s no different than trying to gaze over long distances, where two objects standing next to each other may appear to be one.

And so undoubtedly it was with St. Malachy, who famously prophecized about every pope from his own time until the last pope ever. The funny thing is that his list has basically run out. Going sequentially from his time forward, Pope Benedict XVI is the penultimate pope, the so-called Olive Pope.

The previous pope was “De labore Solis”, or “Of the Labour of The Sun”. This correlates to Pope John-Paul II because he was born and died on a solar eclipse. The penultimate pope is described as “De Gloria Olivae” or “glory of the olive”. This has been interpreted in a number of different ways, including that the pope would hail from an olive growing region of the world, or that he would be olive skinned or even black. None of these adequately describe the current pope, though he did place an image of a Moore on his papal crest, a piece of iconography that comes form his home town in Germany.

I think that a better explanation is that somewhere in his prophecizing, the future looked somewhat hazy, and he started confusing one significant world leader with another, namely the pope with the President of the United States. This makes a certain amount of sense, in that the original name for Washington, DC was Rome, Maryland. At some point, Malachy started confusing one world renowned leader serving in Rome with another.

This probably started happening with Pope Jon Paul II was fighting communism alongside with Ronald Reagan. Reagan, of course, was re-elected president under the slogan, “Morning in America“, with ads featuring a sun drenched flag, and many morning scenes. Then, looking off on the distant horizon as Malachy was doing, seeing Reagan and John Paul II as one in the same, he only reported thereafter on the next significant “pope” to come down the pike. I posit that that next “pope”, the Glory Of The Olive, is none other than Barack Obama.

Of course, this pope is described as the penultimate pope, to be followed by “Peter of Rome” who will destroy the city. Given that we are currently undergoing an historic financial meltdown, one that has the potential to destroy the United States financial system as we know it, this is not an idle worry. The prophecy reads:

“During the final persecution of the Holy Roman Church, the seat will be occupied by Peter the Roman,
who will feed his sheep in many tribulations;
and when these things are finished, the seven-hilled city will be destroyed,
and the formidable Judge will judge his people.
The End.”

While nobody can say for sure who Petrus Romanus is, I posit that it is none other than General David Petraeus. While his name is Dutch, Petraeus certainly has the name that sounds like Roman version of the name Peter, but that is not all. Today, both the President and congress have approval ratings that are at historic lows, while the military has approval ratings at relative highs. The Federal Government finds itself in an intractable financial position with respect to entitlement spending. And there is no reason to believe that the current congress will do anything about it, Barack Obama or not. It makes sense, then, to imagine that the military may feel a need to step in, and take over. I posit that the general who will lead that effort will be none other than General David Petraeus.

When this happens, of course, it will mean the destruction of the US government, whose seat is on Capitoline Hill in a city once called Rome.

Mark my words. Should you have any further questions about the events of today or how they relate to prophecy, don’t hesitate to ask.